There are three blondes stranded on an island. Suddenly a fairy appears and offers to grant each one of them one wish.
The first blonde asks to be intelligent. Instantly, she is turned into a brown haired woman and she swims off the island.
The next one asks to be even more intelligent than the previous one, so instantly she is turned into a black haired woman.The black haired woman builds a boat and sails off the island.
The third blonde asks to become even more intelligent than the previous two. The fairy turns her into a man, and he walks across the bridge.
An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready."All set back here, Captain," came the reply, "except one lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards."
A guy gets out of the V.D. Hospital and decides to a hire a hooker, since he's
been without for so long. Before long, he brings one home, and they have sex
four times. After it's over, he turns to her and tells her he hasn't had sex in
four months because of being in the V.D. Hospital.
"How's the food there?" asks the hooker. "Because I'm going in there
A blonde came home from her first day commuting into the city.
Her mother noticed she was looking a little peaked and asked, "Honey, are you feeling all right?"
"Not really," the blonde replied. "I'm nauseous from sitting backward on the train."
"Poor dear," Mom said. "Why didn't you ask the person sitting across from you to switch seats for a while?"
"I couldn't," she replied, "there was no one there."
One cold winter day a couple of kids were playing hockey on Lake
Ontario and a vicious dog ran up and started biting one of the
kids' legs. Thinking fast the other kids took his hockey stick
and started beating the dog until it was dead.
A news reporter for the Toronto Sun was walking by and saw the
entire incident and came runny up to the kids. He pulled out his
memo book and starts writing: "Little Leafs fan saves boy from
vicious dog." The boy said, "I'm not a Leaf fan."
The reporter said, "Oh since you lived in Toronto I just figured
you were," and crosses out what he had written and started to
write again: "Little Blue Jays fan saves boy from vicious dog."
And again the boy said, "I'm not a Blue Jay's fan."
The reporter thinks for a minute and said, "Oh since you live in
Toronto I figured you were either a Jays fan or a Leafs fan, who
do you cheer for?" The boy replied, "I'm a Habs fan." So the
reporter flipped to a different page and started to write:
"Little French bastard kills beloved family pet."
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down
for the night, Holmes said: "Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what
Watson said, "I see millions and millions of stars".
Holmes: "And what does that tell you?"
Watson: "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies
and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells me that God
is great and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it
tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell
Holmes: "Somebody stole our tent."
Man, that's so funny! Lol!
Really, hahahhahah, hilarious!!
Thanks for making my day!
One day, Hanson and the Spice Girls were all on an airplane, and
they get into a discussion.
Baby Spice stated "You know, I could toss a thousand dollars out
the window of this plane and make one person very happy." Then,
the oldest Hanson brother said, "Well, I could toss ten one
hundred dollar bills out the plane and make ten people happy."
Then Sporty Spice said, "Well, I could toss one hundred, ten
dollar bills out, and make one hundred people happy!" Then the
middle Hanson brother very proudly said, "Well, I could toss one
thousand, one dollar bills out the window and make one thousand
Sick of the discussion, another passenger said, "Well, I have a
better idea, I could toss all of you out the window and make the
entire world happy!"
While cruising at 36,000 feet, the airplane shuddered, and a passenger looked out the window."Oh no!" he screamed, "One of the engines just blew up!" Other passengers left their seats and came running over; suddenly the aircraft was rocked by a second blast as yet another engine exploded on the other side. The passengers were in a panic now, and even the stewardesses couldn't maintain order. Just then, standing tall and smiling confidently, the pilot strode from the cockpit and assured everyone that there was nothing to worry about. His words and his demeanor seemed made most of the passengers feel better, and they sat down as the pilot calmly walked to the door of the aircraft. There, he grabbed several packages from under the seats and began handing them to the flight attendants. Each crew member attached the package to their backs. "Say," spoke up an alert passenger, "Aren't those parachutes?" The pilot confirmed that they were.The passenger went on, "But I thought you said there was nothing to worry about?" "There isn't," replied the pilot as a third engine exploded. "We're going to get help."
George W. Bush and Al Gore went to a fancy resturaunt. The
waitress came and asked what they wanted. George said, "I want a
quickie." The witress slapped him and walked away. George then
asked Al what he did wrong. Gore told him it that was pronounced
One day little johnny was sitting in his house when the door knocked
he ran to open it with a bottle whiskey in one hand and a cigar in the other
thae sales person at the door said is your parents home
little johnny said [what the @#$% you think}
At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding
announcement at Gate 35. Then I heard the voice on the public address system
saying, "We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will board
from Gate 41."
So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over to Gate 41. Not ten
minutes later the public address voice told us that Flight 570 would in fact be
boarding from Gate 35.
So, again, we gathered our carry-on luggage and returned to the original gate.
Just as we were settling down, the public address voice spoke again: "Thank you
for participating in Delta's physical fitness program.
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