Mobile Phone Forums
Welcome to the Mobile Phone Forums

Go Back   Mobile Phone Forums > General > Lounge
Register FAQ Mark Forums Read

Lounge General conversation, share interests, have a laugh or discuss anything not related to the other forums.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 22-02-2012, 12:07 PM
JasperRicky JasperRicky is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Phone: Nokia
Network: linkedin
Posts: 2
JasperRicky is on a distinguished road
Joke of the day

There was a little old lady who was nearly blind. She had three sons and they wanted to prove which one was the best son to her.
So son #1 bought her a 15-room mansion thinking this would surely be the best any of them could offer her.
Son #2 bought her a beautiful Mercedes with a chauffeur included thinking he would surely win her approval.
Son #3 had to do something even better than these so he bought her a trained parrot. This parrot had been trained for 15 years to memorize the entire Bible. You could mention any verse in the Bible and the parrot could quote it word for word. How useful his nearly blind mother would find that!
Well, the old lady went to the first son and said, "Son, the house is just gorgeous but it's really much too big for me. I only live in one room, and it's much too large for me to clean and take care of. I really don't need the house, but thank you anyway."
Then she explained to her second son, "Son, the car is beautiful, it has everything you could ever want on it, but I don't drive and I really don't like that driver, so please return the car."
Next, she went to son number three and said, "Son, I just want to thank you for that thoughtful gift. The chicken was small, but delicious."
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 23-02-2012, 6:23 AM
ScottMendel1 ScottMendel1 is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 2
ScottMendel1 is on a distinguished road
A blonde, brunette and a redhead run to the top of a burning building. Below, a few firefighters are holding a blanket telling the redhead to jump.

When the redhead jumps the firefighters snatch the blanket away and she hits the concrete.

When the firefighters ask the brunette to jump she jumps and again they pull the blanket away.

When the firefighters ask the blonde to jump she replies, "I don't trust you, so just put the blanket down and back away."

Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 23-02-2012, 6:56 AM
Words With Friends Cheat Words With Friends Cheat is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Phone: iPhone 2G
Network: ATT
Posts: 2
Words With Friends Cheat is on a distinguished road
Texan: “Where are you from?”
Harvard grad: “I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions.”
Texan: “Okay – where are you from, jackass?”

--
And I'm not for Texas or a Harvard Gard!
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 24-02-2012, 6:06 AM
aaaflag aaaflag is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 2
aaaflag is on a distinguished road
Dear Agony Aunt Dear Editor,

I have two brothers, one works at Microsoft, the other was sentenced to death in the gas chamber.

My mother died of insanity when I was three years old, my two sisters are prostitutes and my father sells drugs.

Recently, I met a girl who was released from a reformatory where she served time for smothering her illegitimate child to death.

I love this girl very much and want to marry her.

My problem is this:

Shall I tell her about my brother who works at Microsoft?

Sincerely,
Larry
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 27-02-2012, 10:22 AM
Paul999 Paul999 is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 2
Paul999 is on a distinguished road
Last Day on the Job It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.

When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.

At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars.

The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee.

She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.

When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast, eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh squeezed orange juice.

When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.

As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"

"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you."

He said, "Fuck him, give him a dollar."

The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 28-02-2012, 6:47 AM
urdumania.com urdumania.com is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Phone: iphone
Network: ptcl
Posts: 3
urdumania.com is on a distinguished road
A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 28-02-2012, 10:36 AM
JimAllison JimAllison is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 2
JimAllison is on a distinguished road
A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."

Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 29-02-2012, 8:46 AM
KyleFoster KyleFoster is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 2
KyleFoster is on a distinguished road
Jealous Revenge A Blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so She goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and sure enough, she opens the door and finds him in the arms of a redhead.

Well, the blonde is angry, She opens her purse to take out the gun but as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

The boyfriend yells "No, honey, don't do it." The blond replies "Shut up, you're next."
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 29-02-2012, 11:01 AM
urdumania.com urdumania.com is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Phone: iphone
Network: ptcl
Posts: 3
urdumania.com is on a distinguished road
Lightbulb joke....

I went to the cinema the other day and in the front row was an old man and with him was his dog. It was a sad funny kind of film, you know the type. In the sad part, the dog cried his eyes out, and in the funny part, the dog laughed its head off. This happened all the way through the film. After the film had ended, I decided to go and speak to the man.

"That's the most amazing thing I've seen," I said. "That dog really seemed to enjoy the film."

The man turned to me and said, "Yeah, it is. He hated the book."
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Zoopy launches mobile practical joke channel - Bizcommunity.com News News 0 02-06-2009 3:45 PM
David Lister: It's no joke when a comedian gets angry - Independent News News 0 13-09-2008 1:08 PM
Prison system a joke, claims Guerin?s brother - IrishExaminer.com News News 0 04-09-2008 9:48 AM
Motorizer's no joke, even to wisecracking Zander - Australian IT News News 0 23-01-2007 1:45 AM


All times are GMT. The time now is 12:14 PM.


Powered by vBulletin Version 3.6.0
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Content Relevant URLs by vBSEO 3.0.0 RC6 © 2006, Crawlability, Inc.
Copyright ©2015 PhoneForums.org